Time has been something that I have been contemplating lately, and more specifically the concept and perception of it. It is amazing what a little perspective can do to the way we will describe something, and how something that we believe as so permanent and finite can also become so indescribable and imaginative.
I have been thinking about this post for a while, actually ever since I visited with Fr. Chris at Emmanuel Episcopal Church while at home in Rapid City (Emmanuel is one of the other Episcopal Churches in Rapid City, Downtown). I kept on talking about some events that I had experienced, like traveling to Guatemala, Peru, and Norway, graduation, etc., and using statements like "just last summer" or "just last spring," but in fact it had almost been a year since my graduation and our trip to Norway. Something that really seems like it should have only been a couple months ago, at least. In the English language we do not really differentiate between permanent and temporary in our verbs, but I have always kind of thought of time being temporary, in the way that it really is never the same and changes constantly. However, just from English to Spanish there is even a disparity in the way we talk about time. The verb 'ser' is used to tell time in Spanish, the permanent version of 'to be." Who knows how it really is.
As I started to become more aware of my perception of how quickly the time of the past year, my mind started to wander to the then present timing of the Easter Season and Holy week, and now that today, June 2, marks the year anniversary of my graduation from Gustavus, I became sentimental once again and couldn't keep this "time" concept from my thoughts, and decided I should share, as I really have been thinking about it since the beginning of the season. Believe me, this can be tied into my trip in some way.
As many of you know better than me, the Easter Season is preceded by the very dark time of our Holy Week, a time that is dark and full of despair. It is a difficult time, as is intended, but there is something very joyous to look forward to at the end of it all. The light of our faith. Additionally to all the usual Holy Week thoughts, I want to take this a little different way. As an outsider, as in not physically being Jesus, not literally going through the same pain as he, can we even start to understand how long those moments were while he was persecuted, crucified and left in that tomb? We can never know, it is read as a certain amount of time, a measurement we can relate to and still measure. However, time may slow, or time may be sped depending on the perspective. We can never know if that time he spent in that stone prison was a enlightening trip, joyous and filled with relief, as I hope death should be; or was it an arduous journey, still burdened by the sins of the world and lamenting the words and action of the people. It can never be known, all we know is the way we can step through the journey ourselves and read the words of the story. Seconds can speed by for one, and click. by. for. the. other. like. the. last. droplet. of. water. at. the. end. of. a. drain.
The last year for me has been an interesting one, filled with amazing excitement, and very stressful and difficult times, where it has been difficult to keep myself intact and wondering how those things can possibly fit into this beautiful way of life I choose to perceive- a roller coaster ride as the metaphor states. Unfortunately for me, and I believe for the most of us, those peaks do not last nearly as long as we always hope, and those dips seem to linger on our minds for much longer than seems fitting. I usually make the decision to keep the joyous occasions as long as possible, but ineptly enough, it never seems like it ever lasts long enough.
As I am preparing for my trip, the weeks go by so fast, but the days slow. I am so very excited to make the transition into a year of the unknown, of something different and something huge. It seems like when I feel like I am waiting for September to come, the days draw longer and longer. I check my phone, just to count the weeks until I leave, the minutes just can't move fast enough. But when I think of all the things that I have to do before my trip I start to feel stressed but anxious and excited, I know the 3 months will be here in a moment, whether I like it or not. How has it already been 6 months since I applied to YASC? It has already been 6 months since I applied to YASC? Somehow, even though a we may understand time differently at different moments, it all adds up the same, and South Africa will be here before I know what to do with myself.
Wait, it has been a year since the Gustavus Class of '13 graduated? Was it all of 3 days or really only 3 days?